What is a Troll?
NOTE: There are many definitions of what a troll is:
Here are a few of them;
These are not my definitions,
mine will be at the end of the others.
- A dwarf or giant inhabiting caves or hills. Ugly, powerful and generally dangerous human like creatures, but stupid and naive.
- Trolls were believed to be giants, and the biggest of them all was Dovregubben (their king in the mountain Dovre). They were shaggy and rough-haired, with trees and moss-like growth on their heads and noses, their noses were long and they would stir with it when cooking broth or porridge. Some even had two or three heads, some only had one eye in the middle of their foreheads.
Their features differed from humans with four fingers and four toes and a tail resembling that of a cow. The trolls lived to be hundreds of years old, but would die and turn into stone if the sun caught them. They might have looked frightening, but were actually often good natured and terribly naive, so sly peasants would successfully trick them.
Their supernatural powers consisted among others of transforming themselves, for instance into beautiful young ladies. Many hunters and farmers were such lured into the mountains and captured, but the trolls could never hide their tails, if you only could get to see them from behind you would know if the captivating creature was a troll or just a beautiful shepardess.
- Encarta Concise Encyclopedia
A Troll, in Scandinavian mythology, powerful giant and enemy of humans. Trolls lived in caves or in castles, robbing and eating travelers who strayed into their domain after dark. Huge, hard-skinned, and virtually indestructible, trolls could only be vanquished by sunlight, which would either turn them to stone or make them explode.
In later folklore, trolls committed specific acts of malice, such as stealing maidens, and also began to develop semi magical powers such as prophecy and shape-shifting. In children's stories, trolls often live beneath bridges, harassing passersby and exacting tolls.
- Trolls are NOT the stupid little colorful-haired, pot bellied, figurines people seem obsessed with buying. Ugh. Far from it, we're actually skulking, sniveling, sneaking, devious, purveyors of mayhem and trickery. Physically, trolls have been described in various ways, from J.R.R. Tolkein's huge engine of near-mindless destruction, to the fairy tale troll in Three Billy Goats Gruff. While some trolls do live under bridges, they are NOT part of Trondheim and actually belong to a less well know UBU (Under the Bridge Union). They're rather a pathetic lot, too, I might add. Personally, of all the humans who have attempted to describe us, I think Elizabeth Boyar has come the closest. In her book, The Sword and the Satchel, she even has a small scene involving Trondheim, and some if it's lesser exploits. Interesting to say the least.
Mentally, trolls are as varied as the homo sapiens. Maybe a trifle slow, but that's to be expected, now isn't it? I mean, really, all these sniveling humans mucking up everything, it's to be expected some of us aren't exactly clear headed, right? Anyway, as I was saying, varied. Some trolls are the voracious carnivores detailed in all the usual literature, but there are exceptions. There are nearly as many troll craftsmen, wizards, and honorable nobles as there are humans of the same.
Oh fine, I know what everyone really wants to know. I can hear you all asking it. "But what do trolls look like?" Well, we're short, not so short as people like to think, but short nonetheless. And we're hairy, not like a bear is hairy, but like a warthog is hairy. Oh I know what you're all saying, "Ugly lot," right? Well phooey on you, you slimy, pink, hairless humans, we think you're pretty nasty too. Trolls tend to be stronger, pound for pound, than humans, but of course, being smaller, we tend to come out...second best, in unarmed combat. But what we lack in stature, we can make up for in sheer tenacity, voraciousness, and of course, numbers. I mean, do you seriously expect me, I mean us, to fight you humans one on one?
- Aaah, spring is here. The snow has melted, the tulips are in bloom, and by listening closely one can hear the grating whine of newborn trolls. Trolls are commonly disparaged by newsgroup denizens, but what have we learned about this exasperating vermin?
The young troll, blind at birth, instinctively attempts to locate a safe bridge by using sonar screeches which detect immovable or intolerant objects in its path. Trolls tend to travel individually, but are often drawn to the asinine utterings of other trolls.
Because trolls are both hideously ugly and remarkably stupid, they induce feelings of extreme revulsion among intelligent creatures and so have a survival rate of only about 3.6%.
The rare troll who does survive to maturity may be a formidable beast indeed, as a mature troll often learns to cunningly mimic more rational beings. The identifying characteristic of the mature troll is a use of malice both extreme and gratuitous during its unwelcome and always unnecessary appearances. Mature trolls tend to be irritable and need no provocation to attack.
Some trolls may be tamed, but they must be spoon-fed and require coddling to control their unpredictable petulance. They bite when alarmed and make poor pets.
Most experts recommend extermination of trolls, with opinions divided as to whether use of the passive or the aggressive method is more effective. The passive method requires simple neglect, which slowly starves the troll to death. Proponents of the aggressive method swear by acute force applied to the troll's cranium. One drawback to this tactic is the notorious density of the troll head, which may necessitate several assaults to effect the desired result; however, this method is reputed to be the most satisfying and so is the most popular.
The severe troll infestation currently suffered by a.t.h. is likely due to the disruption of weather patterns caused by El Nino. This allowed more of the troll eggs to survive the winter.
I say we call the exterminator.
- My definition: I am working on this now . . .
